Fic: So Much to Say

Title: So Much To Say
Author: morganlight
Pairing: Kradam, yay.
Rating: PG, or something.
Notes: I like dialogue fics. And I especially like the rather hilarious, 'I-told-you-so' relationship between Kris and his friend Charles Browder. I'm not sure if this needs a sequel, but I admit that it would be amusing to write one.


So Much To Say


I guess it’s been a long time
Since I’ve let you in
I know there’s so much to say
Where to begin

--Cassidy Haley, ‘Fly’


Kris looked at Charles with his forehead creased, concentrating, trying to say something while saying nothing at all. “I don’t know. I mean.”

“Talk to me,” Charles said. “No one’s judging.”

“I just.” Pause. “I love him, I think.”

It echoed like planned alliteration. Charles waited.

“And, not like that. But well, maybe it is like that. I don’t even know anymore. I just want to be around him all the time. I don’t get sick of him like I get sick of other people. And.”

“… spit it out.”

“He’s gorgeous, okay? Fucking beautiful. Hypnotizing, even.”

“Hm. Have you ever jerked off thinking about him?””

“Oh, come on!”

“I’m serious.”

“I have weird fantasies sometimes! We all do.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“He’s Adam.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Methinks thou doth protest too much…”

“Goddamn, can it with the quips, would you? Be real for once.”

“I’ll be real if you will.”

“… okay.”

“So?”

“… I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“Kris, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! It’s easy to SAY so, coming from people who don’t have to deal with this kind of thing. Your life is your own. Mine isn’t. Mine belongs to Katy and my parents and a dozen other people.”

“But wouldn’t lying to them be just as unfair?”

“Why can’t I lie? Everyone else lies. I used to think lying and infidelity were for people too lazy to sort out their problems. Now, I’m not so sure. I don’t know what to think. Because I still love Katy. I just don’t know if she’s the most important person in my life anymore.” Kris’s face crumpled.

“Hey. Hey, dude. We all love Katy. No one’s belittling her.”

“I am.”

“No you aren’t. You just have to… why don’t you do something else and find out how you feel about it?”

“Something else?”

“Kiss him. See what happens.”

“I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“I won’t cheat. I mean.”

“I’m no expert, but I’d say that kissing hardly counts as cheating. Besides, Katy’s a smart girl. She probably already knows how you feel.”

“No. We all have feelings. We can’t always act on them.”

“You’re telling me it hasn’t happened before?”

“What? When?”

“At the Idol mansion. C’mon, you were living in a bubble. A roommate bubble.”

“We were roommates, but nothing happened. Not like that.”

Charles raised his eyebrows.

“… nothing while we were sober, anyway.”

“Bingo.”

“I can’t be held responsible for drunken groping.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“What?”

“The groping. The kissing. Whatever.”

“… honestly, I can’t say I remember much of it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, obviously. But…”

“But?”

“But we were DRUNK.”

“So kiss him again, and stay sober this time.”

Kris groaned. “If that were coming from anyone else’s mouth, I’d laugh so hard I’d get the hiccups.”

Charles smiled. “But?”

“But… I trust you, I guess.”

“And you trust him, too. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so blatantly in love with him.”

Kris’s lip curled, half indignation, half amusement. As snarky as Charlie could be, he was not often wrong. At least not this time.